


In the Lonely Hour

by LunarAsylum



Series: Acoustic [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hate Crimes, Hate Speech, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 08:45:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2726051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarAsylum/pseuds/LunarAsylum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is greatly unprepared for his 15 year high school reunion. It means meeting people he never cared about, or people he cared about too much. One in particular, was Castiel, who opted to make contact beforehand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is gunna be a 4- parter even though it was originally intended to be a one-shot. I made it too long. >_

“You will never guess who added me on Facebook,” Sam said, his face lit up with a grin as he entered Dean's house. 

 

“Do I actually have to guess?” Dean asked, looking disgruntled at the idea. The door slid from his hand, closing with a click as he turned to his brother. 

 

“No, no, it's a metaphor,” the younger said as he headed toward the kitchen. Dean followed him, waiting patiently for the answer to the non-existent game of 'Guess the Name'. “Hey, Lisa!” 

 

The brunette looked up from her position at the stove, a hand grasping the handle of a skillet. It was taken from her moments later, the older Winchester nudging her out of the way. She gave him a quick smile, before turning her attention to the brother.

 

“Hey, Sam, how've you been?” she asked, leaning with all of her attention, letting her elbows rest on the counter. 

 

“Good, good,” he said earnestly. He watched as Dean and Lisa exchanged quiet words and a kiss, before she bid herself excused in order to go pick up Ben from a friend's. 

 

“So...?” the elder asked, hip resting against the granite beside the stove, a careful eye monitoring the food. 

 

“So what?” Sam asked, earning an eye roll from the other. “Oh! Yeah! So you remember that guy you used to hang out with all the time in high school? Castiel?”

 

Dean felt his fingers go numb at the name, as his hands curled. It was a time and a person he didn't want to remember, and he felt like this year was the year for his past to haunt him.

 

“Yeah, I remember,” he said, turning his body back to the food on the stove. He didn't want Sam to question the dreadful expression on his face. 

 

“Yeah, he messaged me. Said he couldn't find you on Facebook, and was wondering if you had one. I told him that you don't, but we talked for a bit after that. I was kind of surprised he remembered me. There was such an age difference then, that I didn't think he knew I existed,” Sam said, his words painting pictures across his brother's imagination.

 

He was fairly certain that with their 15 year high school reunion coming up, Castiel was looking for more than a quick catch up. Flashes of memories blinded his vision for a moment, skipping the beats of his heart in anxiety and pain. 

 

“I'm surprised he'd even want to talk to me,” Dean said after a few minutes, flipping the switch off for the eye and moving the skillet to a cool surface.

 

“Why do you say that? I know you guys kept in touch during college, cause you were at the same one,” Sam replied, looking a little confused as Dean came to join him at the table.

 

“Yeah, a couple months into our freshman year, we had a big falling out. A bit of differences in the way we wanted to experience college. He didn't like my friends, and I told him I wasn't ditching them, so we stopped talking,” the older Winchester explained, shrugging as he sighed. 

 

“So what all did he have to say?”

 

“Not much, actually. Just asked how you were doing, how I was doing. Asked if you were going to that high school reunion this year. I didn't know if you were, so I didn't tell him anything. I'm actually meeting up with him in a couple of weeks when he comes into town,” Sam said, sparking Dean's attention.

 

“He doesn't live here anymore?”

 

“No, his profile says he lives in Portland now. Says he works at a tattoo parlor, which seems odd to me. He was so straight-edge as a kid,” Sam said, causing his brother to chuckle with memories. 

 

“Oh you have no idea,” he murmured.

 

Cas had been more than a straight-edge. He'd been a judgmental straight-edge. Anyone who didn't fit his idea of lifestyle was wrong, or weird, or both. To imagine that Cas was working with a bunch of tattoo artists seemed likely to be a lie. It was probable that he was just putting it on for show, knowing that Sam would tell Dean everything. 

 

“He's got no pictures of Facebook either. I mean, his profile is this one from when he graduated high school. His cover photo is a picture of the Portland skyline. He posts from time to time on there, but nothing super personal,” Sam said, suddenly scanning through his phone. 

 

“Are you looking at his page right now?” Dean asked, eyebrow arched as his got a distant nod from his brother. Instantly, he reached for the phone, nabbing it from loose fingers and scanning the page himself. 

 

“I think this is a fake profile,” he muttered, earning a scoff from his brother.

 

“One that he's been making for the past six years? That's some heavy dedication to fuck with you, Dean,” Sam replied sarcastically, a frown on his face. 

 

“I just can't see him working into a tattoo parlor,” he said half-heartedly as he scrolled through the pictures that Cas had been tagged in. Surprisingly, there was nothing that actually had a recent view of him, and that irked him more than he had expected. 

 

“What is he coming to town for?”

 

“Didn't say. Just said he'd be in town, wondered if I'd like to meet up. Did you wanna come along?” Sam asked, taking his phone back from his brother once he had satisfied his curiosity. 

 

“No,” Dean said quickly, looking away. “No, I don't.”

 

“Okay,” Sam said, raising his hands and looking away. “Wasn't trying to force you to.”

 

“I know, I just—it'd be awkward. More awkward than either of us want to deal with,” the older Winchester said, earning a half nod.

 

“I'll take your word for it,” Sam replied just as the front door opened, and a nine year old boy came zooming in and practically tackling Dean in his chair. 

 

“Hi!” the boy said, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled back, a smile greeting him from his step-father of sorts. 

 

“Hiya, Ben. Have a good time?”

 

“Don't you know it! Totally got them into AC/DC,” Ben said as he pulled away completely, his mother smiling gently from the doorway. 

 

“Wrecking havoc as always,” she said, before moving to the stove where the food had cooled enough to eat. “You hungry, Sam?” 

 

The younger Winchester, nodded and affirmed vocally, as Ben took a seat next to Sam, striking up a conversation with him. Dean left his seat, moving into the kitchen to greet Lisa and help her prepare the plates. 

 

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he placed a kiss against her cheek as he pulled her back against him. He could feel her body humming with a chuckle as she smiled at him. Dean returned it happily, placing a quick kiss on her lips before releasing her and moving to grab plates from the cabinet. 

 

“He didn't wreck too much havoc did he?” he asked, earning a full laugh from her as she shook her head. 

 

“No, no, just played the music loud enough it was eventually taken away from them,” she said as she spooned the meal onto each plate. “Ben, get your drink and ask Sam if he wants anything.”

 

The boy complied happily, grabbing two glasses of water for themselves as Dean poured himself and Lisa an alcoholic beverage. They all migrated to the table, making small talk and having a pleasant family dinner. Soon after dinner was finished, Sam made his exit and Ben was sent upstairs to do his homework.

 

“So what all did Sam have to say today?” Lisa asked from the sink, her hands scrubbing the dishes that had just been used. Dean leaned on the counter, glass clutched loosely in his fingers as he admired his girlfriend for a moment. 

 

“Not much. Told me an old friend from high school contacted him. Well, an old friend of mine, not his,” he said, releasing a slow sigh as glanced down at his drink. 

 

“Oh? Who?”

 

“I don't know if you'd known him. He was at the same college as us. Castiel Novak?”

 

“Oh yeah! He was in one of my art classes Freshman year. That's kind of funny, I used to tell him how much of a dick you were,” she said, laughing to herself as she glanced over at Dean. “Now look at us. He used to adore you to the ends of the Earth, and now it's my job.”

 

That made his blood chill and slow down, his hands tingling with anxiety as he forced a smile on his face. It was odd how she had put that, but he needed to remind himself that she didn't know about him and Cas. No one did, and that was the point. 

 

“Yeah. He was a pretty clingy teenager. Makes me wonder if he got over that,” Dean said, his lips quirking oddly before finishing off his whiskey. 

 

“I think so. After you guys stopped talking, he seemed pretty distant the rest of the semester. I'd see him around, and he seemed closed off from the rest of the world. Then, sometime during Sophomore year, I just didn't see him anymore. It really makes me wonder what happened,” she said, placing the last plate in the dish washer and shutting off the faucet. She dried her hands off on the dish towel, and closed up the dishwasher in anticipation for more dishes the next day. 

 

“I've got no idea, but it seems he's going to our up-coming high school reunion,” Dean said, his voice flat and unexcited over the prospect of seeing the man again. 

 

“Oh yeah? It'll be great to see someone I know there aside from you!” Lisa said, leaning over the opposite side of the counter, kissing him on the lips. 

 

“Mm, I suppose,” he murmured against her lips with a smile. “We'll have to see how it goes.”

 

“I'm sure it'll be fine, Dean. If he asked about you through Sam, it means he's not angry anymore, and it doesn't seem to me like you're too angry either. Maybe you could see if you guys could reconcile. It'd be nice if you'd make friends outside of your brother,” she said as she circled the island, take a seat next to Dean. 

 

“I'm pretty content with my life right now as it is,” he said, giving her a genuine smile. “Really, I spend enough time at the shop that having the patience or the will to go out and do things is completely absent. I'd much rather be at home, helping Ben out with homework, or playing games with him and you. Maybe when he's older, I'll look into finding myself something to do when 'playing with dad' is no longer cool.”

 

She laughed at that, patting him on the back, before letting her hand linger to rub between his shoulder blades. 

 

“Ben loves you more than I think he loves his life or me,” she said, causing him to scoff with a smile.

 

“You're his mother, Lisa. I truly doubt he loves me more than you. I wasn't there for almost his entire first year. That's the real bonding time,” he said, earning a chuckle from her.

 

“Doesn't take away from the fact that he loves you, Dean. I'm pretty sure we both think you're the best dad out there,” she said, smiling at him. “Don't let his poor teenage attitude convince you otherwise when it comes. I'm sure you remember Sam being a shithead when he was a teenager.”

 

“Ugh, don't remind me. Sam was worse than that. He was like me with a heart of gold,” he said, laughing lightly. “He wanted to do good and had no idea how to, but thought acting like me would take him there.”

 

They both laughed at the idea of Sam acting like Dean. It was more amusing for Dean because he had the memories attached to the idea, and it made his chest ache a little. His brother had grown more distant the older they had gotten, and it made him wonder if his relationship with Lisa had been what had changed that. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Three Weeks Later *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Sam glanced down at his phone, before looking back up at the building in front of him, matching the addresses. Once he had clarified they were one in the same, he sauntered to the tinted-glass door, pushing as instructed, and he was greeted with the smell of coffee and chocolate, and the warmth of coziness.

 

His eyes scanned the area, trying to find Cas in the sea of hipsters and business people, but was instantly greeted with a black-haired head rising from the ocean, a pale white hand urging him over. Smiling, he zig-zagged his way through the tables and people, taking the empty seat that was opposite Cas after a brief hug.

 

“Hey, Cas, how've you been? It's been forever,” Sam said, grinning as he shrugged his jacket off and onto the back of the chair. 

 

“I've been okay. Living it one day at a time,” the older man said, offering a small smile as he took in his appearance. “How about you?”

 

“Oh, good. Graduated law school a little while ago, and passed the BAR exam. Didn't take long for me to find a job, fortunately,” he said, smiling widely. “How about you? What'd you end up doing after you graduated?”

 

“I actually work at a tattoo shop now. Since I'd been majored in art, I tried to find a job that would fit my expertise, but nothing that really paid well and was something I wanted to do. After I got my first ink, I thought maybe I could do it. Built a port, and went in to some local places, got myself an apprenticeship. Been working at my place now for the past five years,” Cas said, giving him another small smile.

 

“Wait, you've got ink?” Sam asked incredulously, earning a laugh from the other. 

 

“I've got a lot, Sam. I can show you some of it, but most of it, I'd have to take my shirt off for, and I'm relatively certain Starbucks would kick me out,” he said, chuckling as he began to roll up his sleeves.

 

“Holy shit, dude,” Sam said as he leaned across the table to look at the vividly colorful ink that drowned out the paleness of his skin. “Do you mind if I touch you?”

 

“No, go ahead,” he said, after finishing with both sleeves. 

 

His arms were like curved posters, his right arm more vibrant than his left. His fingers traced over the array of lines that made up a stunning image of flames encircling a chain. The chain wrapped around his wrist and swerved up his arm, disappeared beneath the sleeve of his shirt. Amidst the flames were splashes of blues and purples bringing a deeper hue to the whole tattoo. 

 

“This is amazing? Did you get this done at your shop?” 

 

“Yeah, I actually drew the whole thing. It's what got me the apprenticeship. The guy was impressed with my style and my colorization of it. He was more impressed that I made it to size,” Cas said with a chuckle. “I designed both sleeves. Gabe, uh, he designed my back piece.”

 

“You have a back piece? You have something large enough to cover your entire back?” Sam asked incredulously. “That's a lot of tattoos man.”

 

“Yeah, we actually just finished up the sleeve on my left arm a couple of days ago. It's peeling on the upper arm right now,” he said, laughing at the expression on the Winchester's face. “You ever want a tattoo man, you should come visit me. I'll give you a discount.”

 

Sam snorted at that, as if the idea of him getting a tattoo was preposterous. 

 

“Do you think I'd even look good with a tattoo?”

 

“Sam, are you kidding me? You're completely ripped. I think Gabe would consider it a damn shame if you never got ink on your body, but he's gayer than sin, and would really just want an opportunity to run his hands over your chest,” Cas said with a grin. 

 

“Maybe I'll get him to tattoo me instead,” Sam said with a snicker at the faux offense on Cas' face. 

 

“Don't tease him, Sam, he might follow you home.”

 

“I'd be okay with that if he would be,” Sam replied, laughing lightly. 

 

“Sam, are you gay?” 

 

Cas seemed much more forward in person than he had over the computer. It was interesting to see how much he had changed from when he had seen him around Dean. 

 

“No, actually. Pansexual,” Sam responded, earning a soft smile from the other. There was a moment of silence before the Winchester decided to bring up what was really on his mind. 

 

“So what happened between you and my brother in college?

 

Cas looked taken aback by the question, and he took a moment to truly consider the question in his head. 

 

“What has he told you about what happened? If I know him as well as I did, my guess is he said it was some disagreement in people preferences, right?”

 

“Just about. Said that you also didn't want to experience college the same way,” Sam said, adding onto to Cas' prediction.

 

“Huh,” he said, laughing under his breath. “Figures. That really means I wanted to experience college sober and graduate, while he was up with his frat boy best friends, getting plastered almost every night.”

 

“Well, then. Did not know that,” Sam said. “Is that really it though? You guys stopped talking over that?”

 

“I... don't think it's my place to tell you,” Cas said, heaving a sigh as he met Sam's eyes. 

 

“Who's place is it? Dean's? He's made it pretty clear he doesn't really want to talk about it,” the younger Winchester said. 

 

“Let me put it this way, then. I recommend, if you want to know right now, that you call Dean, and, uh, ask him again, bluntly. If he denies you, you simply tell him that I'll tell you instead. If he denies you one more time, then I'll tell you, because you deserve to know the truth instead of the bullshit he spouts,” Cas said, giving him an earnest look. 

 

“You want me to call him in here? He won't be able to hear me,” Sam said, causing the older man to laugh. 

 

“No, go outside and call him. That way, if you end up yelling at him and hanging up like you do when you get frustrated, no one will stare at you,” the man responded, getting a nod in response as the taller man got out of his chair. He watched as the Winchester sauntered his way through the maze of people, exiting the shop and standing near the front window.

 

He could see all of Sam's reactions, watching as his shoulder's tensed up in frustration, his hand balling into a fist and swinging vividly near his head. Cas could practically hear their conversation in his head. A smile graced his lips as he watched a phone be pulled away from Sam's ear, his mouth wide and obviously shouting into the receiver before the call was ended.

 

Within moments, the younger Winchester was back in front of him, huffing with anger.

 

“I swear, he's so stubborn!” he muttered, earning a laugh from Cas.

 

“I'm aware.”

 

“So what really happened, then? He seemed really on edge even hearing about it,” Sam said, his tone suddenly sympathetic. 

 

“I don't even know where to begin. You think we met in high school, right?”

 

A nod.

 

“We actually met in middle school. Seventh grade. He and I became friends really fast, and by the time puberty and high school rolled around, we were more than friends.”

 

A pause and a glance. 

 

“Wait. So you were like, best friends?”

 

“More than best friends. You're a lawyer, Sam, seriously?”

 

“It's not that I didn't get that part, it's that it's hard to believe.”

 

“I know. Sometimes, I don't believe it, and that was four years of my life,” Cas said, running a hand through his hair.

 

“ _Four years?!_ ”

 

“Yeah, we were together the entirety of high school. It's why we went to the same college together, because we thought that it would be easier on us to not separate.”

 

“Why did you never tell anyone?”

 

“That was mostly Dean. He insisted to me that your dad would get upset if a 'homosexual abomination' was living under his roof. Even now, those words are so clear in my mind, like he said it to me yesterday. I thought it was weird that he had said it that way, instead of like using the term 'faggot' or something.”

 

“Well, that's weird, but uh, I don't think our dad would've had a problem at all,” Sam said. 

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“We found out that Dad had a little experimentation phase of his own before he met Mom. One of his old neighbors came to the funeral and when we talked with him, we found out that they had slept together for around a month or so before Dad had decided that maybe he didn't like men.”

 

“Oh. I'm so sorry for your loss,” Cas responded, his gaze empathetic. 

 

“No, no, don't apologize for that. Dad drank himself into oblivion because Mom had died. We kind of expected it long before we were both adults, so, it's all good. So, really, he made you hide your relationship for four years?”

 

“Yeah, I had expected it would be different at college. No one knew us there, we were a couple hundred miles from home, there was no way it'd get back to your dad or anyone back home. Instead, he found this group of guys that were the epitome of douchebags. They taught him the ways of alcoholism and shitty attitudes. One of my friends, Lisa used to tell me that she couldn't understand why I was friends with Dean. 

 

“Even then, I kept my mouth shut until I was told I could tell people. That never came.”

 

~~*~~

 

_A knock rebounded on the door, before a thud emphasized it, causing Cas to narrow his eyes. His roommate was out of the dorm at the moment, apparently at a party, but he hadn't been expected back this early._

 

“ _Caaaas!” came a call of his name, answering his question before he could ask it. Rolling his eyes, he pushed himself away from his homework, padding across the floor to the door._

 

“ _Dean, are you fucking drunk?”_

 

“ _Thass a stupid question,” the other slurred. “C'mon. Open the door!”_

 

_He did so only to give the other a piece of his mind. Instead, his body was given the load of the taller Winchester, who was still spindly from his high school days._

 

“ _Dean, would you stand up like a proper person? I am not a wall for leaning on,” he snapped, pushing the other away._

 

“ _Baby, c'mon, what's the matter?” Dean purred through his drunken stupor, his weight now supported by the inanimate wall._

 

“ _What's the matter?! Are you kidding me, Dean fucking Winchester?” he snarled, turning back to him. “This is the first time I've seen you in weeks, and we live on the same mother fucking floor. For you to be my boyfriend—“_

 

“ _Shhh, shhh, not so loud,” Dean said, a moment of sobriety taking him as the other shouted._

 

“ _Oh for Christ's sake, Dean, fuck this! Fuck you and everything else, because this is ridiculous! I shouldn't have to_ hide _myself from the people here, just because you don't feel comfortable letting everyone know! What the fuck are you so afraid of?”_

 

“ _Cas, baby, come on,” Dean said, shutting the door behind him before approaching his boyfriend. “I just... I don't feel comfortable with everyone knowing.”_

 

“ _I'm not going to parade it about like a flag, Dean, but it'd be nice if I didn't have to lie to my friends every day. I hate saying you're just my best friend.”_

 

“ _I know, babe, but people look at you differently,” the drunken Winchester replied._

 

“ _No, you mean people look at_ you _differently. Lisa knows I'm gay, and she has no problem with it. In fact, I think you're the one who has a problem with it, Dean. Are you scared of being gay?”_

“ _What?! No!” Dean said indignantly, looking down at him._

 

“ _Then why did you come here drunk after ignoring me for two weeks?”_

 

“ _I-I don't know.”_

 

“ _Well, then maybe you should go back to your dorm room, sober up, and come back then,” Cas said, looking up at him. “I'm not loving you drunk.”_

 

“ _What if I'm only tipsy?”_

 

“ _Dean!”_

 

“ _I'm just askin', Cas! I go out with the guys a lot, and they drink a lot. I can't say no,” Dean said, his face falling slightly._

 

“ _Right, because you're not able to stand up to peer pressure. Are you that desperate for friends? Am I really not that good for you?”_

 

“ _Cas, that's not what this is about. Baby, I lo—“_

 

“Don't. _Don't you dare say that, because I know you don't. I know what this is really about, Dean. You're too god damned scared to come see me sober for fear of what your new friends will think. God forbid you be a faggot, right? And I'm what? You're fallback, in case something does happen? Since I'm openly gay, it'll automatically fall on me if we were to get caught fucking while you're drunk._

 

“ _I'm not standing for that, so I think you can go.”_

 

“ _Cas, babe, c'mon—“_

 

“ _Go!” Cas shouted, his fingers trembling with rage and sadness as he pointed at the door. “And don't come talking to me again, you fucking homophobe. Just stay away from me!”_

 

~~*~~

 

“So we stopped talking.”

 

“Wait, wait. Lisa Braeden?”

 

“Yeah, actually, how do you know that name?”

 

“Because she's been dating my brother for the seven years. They started dating his last year of college after he'd apparently sobered up. They broke up a couple years after, and then got back together. When they got back together, she'd had a kid with some other dude, and Dean decided he wanted to step up to the plate,” Sam said, and he could see the hurt that crossed the other's face. 

 

“So he's still painfully closeted,” Cas said, looking down at his drink as his fingers fiddled with the sleeve around it. 

 

“I think everyone in our family was. Dad was, about his little experience. Dean is, and so am I really. I haven't told Dean or Lisa, mostly because I don't know how he'll react. From the way you put it though, it doesn't sound like he'd be too happy about it,” Sam murmured, fidgeting his fingers together.

 

“I think it's a different circumstance because you're his brother. He adored you and still does, if he still values family. From the sounds of it, he does, so I don't think you'd have a problem,” Cas said, releasing another sigh. 

 

“So I'm assuming you're going to this reunion, right?” Sam asked after a few moments of silence between them. 

 

“Yeah, I planned to. There's a couple of old classmates going that I'd like to see,” Cas said, offering him a light smile. 

 

Sam had to admire the way the man's face had matured. When he was younger, his features had been a little too adult for him, as his face had always been angular and thin. His high cheekbones had smoothed out, only giving his face definition instead of a hard cut angle. Stubble accentuated his jawline even more now, making him seem rugged and more attractive. He could understand what Dean saw in him. 

 

“You taking a date?”

 

“That was the plan, but I find myself tirelessly single,” Cas responded, before he caught the younger's eye. “Why?”

 

“I was thinking we could kill two birds with one stone. Piss Dean off for having been a prick to you, and telling him I'm as equally into men as I am women and other people,” Sam said with a shrug as he leaned back nonchalantly. He was greeted with a hearty laugh, which danced like music in his ears. 

 

“While I appreciate the offer, perhaps you should tell him in a better way. I think he dislikes me just enough that it could potentially damage your relationship if you came to his reunion with his unknown ex-boyfriend,” Cas said, smiling widely though. Sam had matured physically, and even emotionally, but it seemed some characteristics of his childhood self were still prominent in his behavior. 

 

They wrapped up their conversation shortly after, hugging each other goodbye before Sam departed. Cas had said he was meeting someone else at the shop and he was waiting for them next. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Who's the beautiful wife?” Dean was asked by a man who's name he could not remember. Looking down at the name tag on the man's chest, he found out that it was Robert. He didn't remember anyone named Robert.

 

“Not wife, girlfriend, and her name is Lisa, as her nametag says,” he responded, which instantly pushed the other man away. 

 

“Who was that?” Lisa asked as she came back with a drink for him and herself. She handed it to him gingerly, making sure he had a firm grasp on it before letting go.

 

“I have no idea. I think he was hoping you were my sister and not my wife. He seemed a bit disappointed,” Dean replied as he turned to look at her. 

 

“Well, I'm not your wife either, so that's an even bigger disappointment,” she said with a wide grin as he leaned in to kiss her.

 

“You know I'm more than willing to fix that,” he said against her lips, earning a chuckle.

 

“Mm, I bet you are, Winchester, but I would much rather wait until Ben's a little older,” she said, grinning still. “Oh, damn, look at Mister Sexy!”

 

Dean turned his attention to the man that Lisa was ogling, and his stomach dropped six feet under as his eyes made their way to his face.

 

“Holy shit,” he said to himself, earning a 'what?' from Lisa. “Tha-That's Castiel. Uh, he... he has tattoos.”

 

“Well, you said he works at a tattoo parlor. I would assume so. Man, he has changed from college. He looks fantastic. We should go talk to him!” she said, and before Dean could protest, he was being dragged over.

 

“Cas!” she said, grinning widely as she caught his attention. A smile lit up his face like Christmas as he saw her, instantly engulfing her in a hug.

 

“Holy shit, Cas, you got strong, and sexy,” she said as she gave him another once over. He laughed at her remark, his eyes having not yet looked over at Dean. 

 

“Well, I had to find something good to do with myself,” he said, grinning widely at her. “You look good yourself. Someone told me you have a son?”

 

“Yeah, yeah! Sam, I'm guessing?”

 

“Yeah, he and I caught up a couple of months ago,” Cas said, as he gave her another look over. “It's hard to believe you've had a kid, Lisa.”

 

“Well, I've had nine years to work it all off.”

 

“That is true,” he said, still smiling, but that smile easily became pained as he finally turned his gaze to Dean. 

 

“Dean,” he said, offering his hand out for a shake. The Winchester hesitated, but took it, receiving a firm grasp and handshake. Cas had changed more than he could've ever imagined.

 

“You look... amazing, Cas,” he said after a moment, his hand dropping back to his side.

 

“So do you. You're not a gangly little twat anymore,” Cas said, chuckling and earning a half-hearted chuckle from Dean. 

 

“You're not so gangly yourself. So you really work at a tattoo parlor?”

 

“Yeah. Been there about five years now, figured it was something to do with all my art history. Inflict pain for beauty. Sado-masochism at its finest,” he said, looking between Lisa and Dean. Lisa glanced over at Dean for a moment, before excusing herself, saying she wanted to look around. 

 

“So how've you really been, Cas?” Dean asked, staring him in the face. “I know that look. You're not actually happy.”

 

“I'm not happy to be here. I'm not happy to see you, with my best friend from college who used to hate you. I'm not happy to see that you're still in the closet,” Cas responded, folding his arms over his chest. Some of the colors clashed against each other, but it was still a sight to behold. 

 

“Cas, I'm not ga—“

 

“I didn't say you were, Dean. There is, however, a sexuality that involves liking both genders. From my recollection, it's called bisexuality. You can still be in a closet for that,” he retorted, frown tugging hard at his face. 

 

“There's more than that, Cas. About you, I mean. You've changed a lot,” Dean said. “And I was talking to Lisa about you a couple of months ago, when you contacted Sam. She says she doesn't remember seeing you after sophomore year. Neither do I. What the hell happened?”

 

Cas' eyes narrowed a bit, before he suddenly grabbed Dean's wrist, ignoring the protests and questions as he led Dean to one of the smaller private rooms where people could go to have a quiet conversation. Making sure the door was locked, he turned back to Dean who had a mildly mortified expression on his face.

 

“Oh relax, I'm not going to do anything except make you feel incredibly fucking guilty for all your college choices. I never finished college,” he said, eyes thin and lips pursed, his arms folded over his chest again.

 

“What? What the hell does that have to do with me?”

 

~~*~~

 

“ _Hey, Faggot,” came the call behind him. He'd just gotten out of his last class and was trying to get back to his dorm room in peace. Crickets chirped around him, falsifying the sense of safety._

 

“ _I said 'Hey', Faggot.”_

 

_A hand grabbed his shoulder, shoving him around and causing him to stumble as he faced the person. Or persons, he should say. Four men, recognizable men, stood in front of him, their large, overworked bodies shadowing him in the light from the post._

 

“ _Can I help you?” he asked, attempting to keep all tones of derision out of his voice, but he was pretty sure he failed._

 

“ _Oh I'm pretty sure you can,” said the one in the middle. It was not the same voice that had called out to him the first two times._

 

“ _See,” the tallest one said, rolling his shoulders for show. “We've heard some secrets going around that you've been fucking around with Dean Winchester.”_

 

_That's where he knew them from. These were the guys that Dean had chosen over him well over a year ago, and only now was it coming back to haunt him._

 

“ _I'm sorry, who?” he asked, swallowing thickly. How in the hell had that even gotten out? Why was it only coming back now?_

 

“ _Oh, so you don't have a hardon for boys? Or Dean Winchester?” said the fourth boy, his thick face washed with venom and hatred._

 

“ _What does it matter to you if I do?”_

 

_That had been the wrong answer as he was suddenly grabbed, a yelp escape his lips before a hand covered it, and he was dragged into the shadows of the night._

 

~~*~~

 

“Your friends, or the ones you called friends at the time, decided that I was the one to punish because rumors of you being gay got out. Even then, I defended you,” he said, his voice shaking with a self-pitying laugh. “I was an idiot for thinking that it even mattered, but apparently, my nice little lie saved your hide.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about, Cas?”

 

“Your friends...” he paused for a moment, taking in a shaky breath, his hands clenched into fists at his side as he steeled himself. “They raped me, and they beat me into unconsciousness for being gay and for having a 'crush' on you, Dean Winchester. I tried everything I could to get charges pressed, but the school protected the boys, not wanting the media to get a hold of a rape case and tarnish their beloved party-school reputation. So I left.”

 

“Cas...”

 

“Don't. There's no point now in you trying to say anything. I said I was going to make you feel guilty. I didn't say you could try to fix it. This is the least you deserve,” Cas said, his quiet rage boiling over after so many years. “You were selfish, and you were an idiot. You hid me for four years from your family, your friends, and from my family and my friends. Everything you asked of me was unfair in that regard.

 

“Yet, I was just as stupid and just as selfish for following you blindly. Now, I'm an out and proud gay man, and what can you say for yourself? That you're the adoptive father of a boy that's not yours with a girl you won't marry?”

 

Dean scoffed, opening his mouth to speak, but Cas stopped him.

 

“Don't, Dean, I'm not blind. You love her, but you will never marry her. You're too unsure of yourself. I can tell you that the only cure to that insecurity is being honest, with yourself, and with everyone around you.

 

“Sam already knows. I told him to call you, and ask you for himself, but you didn't tell him, so I had every right. You can't be mad at me. Lisa, she deserves to know. She's the most open-minded person I've ever known, and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have been okay after we broke up.

 

“So, at least tell her. I don't care if you don't date another man, I don't care if you marry Lisa, but just don't fuck up that relationship like you did ours, with lies.”

 

With that, Cas turned, and unlocked the door, flinging it open, and leaving Dean behind as he bled into the crowded sea. The Winchester was stunned, unsure of how he could even react to something like that. Not had he only been told that someone he had once cherished had been brutalized on his behalf, but that the person openly blamed him and hated him for it. It was crushing.

 

Running a hand over his face, he exited the room, looking for Lisa so that they could leave. He didn't think he could stand being here much longer.

 

Cas, on the other hand, had been aiming for the door the entire time, but a familiar voice and hand stopped him.

 

“Hey, Faggot. Didn't know you went here, too.”

 

He turned, his whole body quivering with fear and rage as he faced his long-ago attacker. The smirk was still the same, but the rest of him had degraded. He was no longer the picture perfect idea of masculinity and strength.

 

“You've fallen behind, Martin. I'm surprised. Now, I wouldn't happy to be fucked by you,” he snapped, deciding to stand up instead of run.

 

“Excuse you? Happy? You didn't seem so happy last time,” Martin said, the smirk still clear as day on his face.

 

~~*~~

 

_Hands grasped at parts of his body which had never been touched by anyone but Dean, invoking low sobs and keening moans for help. Each of his wrists was held by one person, holding them tightly and stretched out, while the third person held his head to make him watch as he was violated over and over again._

 

“ _Such a good little faggot, aren't you?” growled the man in between his legs, and a choked sob was his only reply. He had cried and screamed for them to stop, to let him go, but it was to no avail. Each of them had their turns, but by the end, no one needed to hold him, his body spent and bruised._

 

_To top it off, each of them took their turns at kicking him, the sound of bones cracking and bruising, echoing off the brick walls that surrounded him. A swift foot to the side of his head rendered him unconscious, able to fly away from the pain his body was in._

 

~~*~~

 

“Mm, to you maybe, but didn't you know that homosexuals like being roughed up? I mean, come on, you like it don't you?” he said, forcing strength into his words, despite his entire body trembling with fear.

 

“What the fuck, Novak?” Martin growled, taking a step towards him. “You callin' me a faggot?”

 

“Well, you did fuck another man, so by default. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean, you seemed to be enjoying yourself the most, so I figured we had a special connection,” he said, unable to keep the shake in his voice away anymore.

 

“I will _fucking_ kill you—,” he said, advancing but a swift movement was made by another person who stood between them.

 

“Martin, go fuck yourself, you bigot!” snapped a female voice, and he was shoved back. “Or I'll happily call the cops and detain you here until they get here.”

 

Martin backed off, his face still showing his rage, but the girl didn't back down. Cas was a little taken aback by the fact that someone had stood between them, but when she turned around, he understood why.

 

“Cas, what the hell was that?” Lisa asked, her brows creased in confusion.

 

“You should ask Dean, because that was college,” he said, before turning curtly and exiting. He didn't want to offer explanations to anyone else that night, and his phone was out of his pocket the moment he was outside.

 

Inhaling deeply to calm himself, he scrolled through his contacts, Sam's name popping up from his facebook contacts. He pressed the call button on the screen and put the phone against his ear. It rang thrice before Sam picked up, noise in the background.

 

“Cas? What's up? Thought you had that reunion tonight,” Sam started, and Cas' voice cracked just as he started speaking.

 

“C-Can you come over to my hotel? I just need to talk to someone,” he asked shakily as he headed to his car.

 

“Yeah, yeah, definitely. What hotel are you at?” Sam asked, and Cas gave him the details, and they hung up, Sam promising to see him shortly.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY! So here's the final installment of this, I am, however, holding a wager with a friend of mine as to whether this will get its own series (more parts for the verse). If the wager is met (which it's looking likely), there'll be more follow ups to this and so on. So enjoy, and look forward to more! =D

 

“So would you like to explain exactly what happened with Cas tonight? He looked so shaken,” Lisa asked as they entered the house. Ben was staying the night at a friend's house so they didn't have to worry about waking him during their conversation.

 

“It's a long story,” he muttered, trying to avoid the subject. His shoulders were slouched in defeat as he sank into the couch, head dipping into his hands.

 

“I've got all night, Dean. Seriously. He was my best friend in college, and I never once saw him like that. Even after you guys stopped talking, and he was _devastated._ I need explanations,” she said as she gently sat beside him. “Come on, Dean, you can tell me anything.”

 

“We dated,” he started, but stopped, unsure of where to go, now that it was out in the air. He heard Lisa's breath hitch for a moment, but it was released slowly as she seemed to be calculating her thoughts.

 

“Dean, I want you to answer me honestly, okay?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Do you like men?”

 

There was a field of silence between them as Dean debated how to answer the question. There hadn't really been another man outside of Castiel that he had ever felt attracted to, so it was a difficult question.

 

“I loved Castiel. I don't necessarily know if I like men, but I loved him. I loved him for so long, Lis,” he said as he looked up at her, tears shining in his eyes. Green glistened like emeralds as they gazed at each other, and suddenly, she leaned forward, kissing him on the lips.

 

“And that's perfectly fine, Dean,” she murmured against his cheek before placing a kiss there. “I don't care if you find men attractive, as long as you don't cheat on me. With a man or a woman.”

 

They remained close for a few moments, the silence engulfing them in comfort before she pulled away.

 

“But I need to know what happened to make my friend look like that,” she said, inhaling deeply. Her eyes reached into his soul, soothing him and giving him comfort enough to talk.

 

“I just found out tonight. He told me why we never saw him after Sophomore year,” Dean said, his breath hitching in his throat again. It hurt him immensely to know that despite everything that Dean had done, Cas had taken it upon himself to protect him.

 

“Apparently, the guys that I had made friends with in my freshman year; they, uh... Lis, they raped him,” he said, his eyes filling with tears and he buried his face back in his hands. Dean heard her gasp.

 

“That fucking piece of shit Martin,” she snarled, her hands balled in her lap. “He had the fucking audacity to approach Cas tonight. Cas stood up for himself, but Martin was about to beat the shit out of him in the middle of a reunion!”

 

“He what?” Dean asked, looking up, his face smeared with tears.

 

“Yeah! He approached him as Cas was leaving!” she said, fury in her voice. “I'd like to kick his ass.”

 

“He told me the school did nothing. That's why he left. He dropped out,” Dean muttered, feeling a little sick to his stomach. “He said he wanted to guilt me.”

 

“Well, obviously it worked, Dean, but it proved a point to him, too,” she said, giving him a soft smile.

 

“What kind of point could this possibly prove?” Dean asked incredulously.

 

“That you still care, and frankly, that may have been all the closure he needed,” she said softly. “Just think about it. If someone left you, like me, for example, but I just left. There were no goodbyes, no real 'this is the end' kind of moment. It just stopped. How would you feel?”

 

“I don't know,” he said, trying to imagine the feeling. “I know I'd be upset that you'd leave like that. I'd be devastated that Ben was gone, and that a sense of normalcy was gone.”

 

“That's it, Dean. Everything that was normal for him was gone. He was in a new place, with new people, and the one singular fixed point was suddenly gone. I could tell he felt like he was spinning out of control when we were talking to him. That's why I left,” she said, running a hand through Dean's hair. “So I think this was a good thing for him, and you should let it be a good thing for you, too.”

 

“How is any of this good?” he asked, looking over at her. Her fingers caressed the side of his face as she gave him another smile.

 

“Because you know he's okay. He's not perfect, and bad things have happened, but he's alive, and seems to be doing okay for himself. That should be good news,” she said, and he sighed, trying to accept her word as truth. He was having a hard time envisioning the positives in what seemed to be a pretty shitty situation.

 

“Lis, do you know why they raped him?” he asked after a few moments. She shook her head, her eyes sad and imploring Dean to just let it go. “He told me that they'd heard he and I had been sleeping together. He _lied_ to them, so that they wouldn't come after me. Even after everything I had put him through, he cared enough to take that kind of damage for me.”

 

“So honor that love he gave you, Dean. Don't let it go to waste, okay?” she murmured, kissing the shell of his ear as her hand massaged his hair. “Just remember your times with him as something to cherish and him as a person that mattered. Not just a secret that needs to be hidden, okay?”

 

He nodded after a moment, turning to look her dead on.

 

“I have no idea what I'd do without you, Lisa Braeden,” he murmured, giving her a small tease of a smile, before his lips touched hers.

 

“You'd fail entirely at life, and be living in the sewers,” she teased, chuckling lightly. “How about we go to bed, hm?”

 

She gave him a wink, before slinking off the couch, pulling him with her. Like a puppy lost in love, he followed after her, willing to let her cast out his misery for happiness.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* With Cas and Sam *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Knocking on the door pulled him out of his reverie, his hands still trembling as he grabbed the handle, pulling it down and opening the door. Sam's hazel eyes were the first thing he noticed when the taller man entered, as they were drowning in concern.

 

“Are you okay? You sounded really shaken over the phone,” Sam said, pulling Cas into a hug almost immediately. The older man just let his forehead rest against the Winchester's shoulder, tears spilling freely in the company of trust and compassion. The door fell shut, the thud causing Cas the jump slightly, the younger man tightening his grasp around him.

 

They stood there in silence, comfort exported from the brunette to Cas. One of Sam's hands ran through his hair, trying to ease him back to normalcy. After several minutes, the older man pulled away, hands coming up to rub the excess liquid away from his eyes. His face was flushed, and his eyes swollen as he turned away from the other, heading to the only bed in the room.

 

“Sorry,” he said. “It was a rough night.”

 

“I can tell. You talked to Dean?” Sam asked, taking a seat beside him. The raven-haired man nodded, looking down as he twiddled his thumbs in his lap.

 

“And then some,” he murmured.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I didn't necessarily tell you the whole truth before” he murmured. “I omitted a few choice details because of where we were.”

 

“Details like what?”

 

“I didn't graduate college,” he muttered, inhaling deeply and releasing it in a quick burst. It stalled his emotions from rising in his throat. “The friends that Dean had made in our first year, they had somehow heard that Dean and I had been sleeping together. While it was no longer true, I didn't want them to think it had any cause at all, so I lied. I ended up in a hospital for two weeks after they finished with me, and the school refused to allow charges to be brought up against the boys, because sexual assault was not good for their reputation.”

 

“They _raped_ you!?” Sam hissed, his face bewildered at the reveal. “Oh, Cas...”

 

He let his hand rest on the other's shoulder, squeezing gently as he looked at him. Sadness weighed heavy in his vision as he watched the man curl inwards and he shifted his position to wrap his arm around his shoulders.

 

“Do you want me to stay here tonight? Platonic, of course,” he said, swallowing thickly. Cas took a moment to respond, and a hesitant nod greeted him causing a smile to bloom on his lips. “Okay, I will.”

 

The older man turned, burying his face back in Sam's shoulder as more tears were shed. The Winchester just held him, his hand running up and down his back in a soothing motion. He knew there wasn't much he could say or do, but just by being there, that was sometimes all someone needed.

 

He didn't know how much later it was, but his arms were stiff and his back ached when Cas pulled away looking sheepish. The tears were drying, but his face was swollen and bright red.

 

“I'm gunna go take a shower really fast,” he murmured, pulling away from him. “Feel free to watch TV.”

 

Sam nodded as he watched the other retreat to the bathroom, the door closing with a gentle click, and soon after the sound of streaming water. He relaxed on the double sized bed, and it occurred to him that if he was staying the night, they'd end up sleeping in the same bed. A small flush made its way onto his cheeks, as he stared at the ceiling, his imagination running wild.

 

He knew it was ridiculous to imagine such things, but he couldn't help it. Even when they were younger, had found himself interested in the ever mysterious Castiel, and now, he had him within arms reach, and it was tantalizing.

 

Sam was unsure when the shower had ended, but he could hear the rustling of a towel, and it hit him hard in the face when he realized that Cas hadn't taken any clothing in with him.

 

“Oh god,” he muttered to himself, slamming a pillow over his face. He groaned to himself as he removed the pillow just as the door opened, and he was greeted with one of the most fantastic views of his life.

 

Cas's lower body was thankfully covered by a long white towel, his calves shimmering as if he were sweating. The upper body, on the other hand, was a spectacle all its own. While he had already seen a good bit of the sleeves that covered his arms, it was another thing to see them entirely, uninhibited by clothing.

 

“Wow,” he said, unable to stop staring. He could see Cas blush, but it didn't stop him as the older man moved to get dressed.

 

“Unless you'd like to see me naked, I'd suggest you cover your eyes.”

 

“You're mistaken if you think I don't want to see you naked,” Sam responded, earning a glare.

 

“Cover you eyes, Sam,” he said, and the Winchester did as he was told with a dramatic sigh.

 

“You're such a tease!” he half whined, a hand covering each eye. “Why would you come out here like that!? Can you at least avoid putting a shirt on? I'd like to really look at your tattoos. They're beautiful.”

 

“I suppose I can accommodate that request,” Cas responded as the rustling of clothing dressed both him and the room. “You can uncover your eyes now.”

 

Sam did so eagerly, his eyes greeted with a Cas who was top naked, his lower half covered in green and blue plaid pajama bottoms. They dipped just low enough to tease his ever growing imagination. The older man moved to sit on the edge of the bed and Sam scooted down to be able to observe his sleeves.

 

“The detail in these are amazing,” he murmured as he took his left arm, noticing the darker patch on the shoulder and upper part of his arm. It was mostly shading, and the skin was welted and clearly peeling, but the design was amazing. Letting his eyes graze the entire tattoo, he saw a wounded gray dragon with amazingly colored blue eyes, various claws digging into its flesh from different colored feet. Pops of orange, red and green accented the twists of the dragon as it seemed to try and escape it's pain. Some of the scales where the talons dug in were red, as if blood had been drawn.

 

The background of the dragon was beautifully done gray scale clouds as if painted in watercolor. Sharp lines brought the dragon out of the clouds, and the claws themselves seemed to reach from the heavens in his tattoo. His fingers traced over dark lines, admiring the work.

 

“This is just stunning,” he murmured. “Does it represent something?”

 

“The hardships in life, and how they can hold on to you, even when you fly away,” Cas murmured, the intimacy of having someone admire his tattoos getting to him. Sam immediately moved to examine the other arm, having been unable to see it in its entirety before.

 

“It's so amazing to think that you drew these,” he murmured as his finger followed the chain all the way from his wrist to his chest, where the flames, now purple and blue, engulfed the chain. He hadn't noticed it before, but the various patches of blues and purples in the flames created skulls which amassed heavily on the shoulder, some even gnawing on the chain.

 

“How do you even make this into a real thing from a concept?” he asked as he traced the blurry smudges of blue that represented two eyes.

 

“Pain is a transforming power,” Cas muttered. “It has a way of making anything ugly or beautiful. This is my pain.”

 

Sam's eyes met his for a moment, before he glanced away. He could see a tinge of pink on his cheeks, and it made him smile to know he was not the only one who realized just how intimate this was.

 

“Can I see your back piece?” Sam asked after a moment, meeting his eyes again. His smile was gentle as he nodded, before shifting his position and turning his back to Sam. A gasp entertained him before fingers were upon him, causing a shiver to run down his spine.

 

“This is astounding, Cas, oh my god,” Sam said, his hands just taking it all in.

 

Before him was a skull, crushed and deformed by a very large, red and black dragon wrapped around it from jaw to crown. Its immense black talons were dug in, creating cracks within the cheek and right temple. Black smoke billowed from its nostrils which were peeking out from the mouth of the skull, bright golden eyes the only visible aspect of the head in the shadows.

 

The detail was stunning, every scale, every horn carefully colored and tended to. The shading to the skull was an impressive thing of its own, the shadows cast by the dragon displayed perfectly. It looked real, despite the fact that it didn't move.

 

“Does this represent your pain, too?” he asked as his index finger followed the underbelly of the dragon.

 

“It represents me conquering my pain. That the thickest and best defense our body of bones has can be penetrated by the fire of desire to overcome the pain in ones' life,” he said, shuddering as he felt a kiss placed at the base of his neck.

 

“I'm sorry that you had to go through all you have. I'm sorry that Dean is at the center of that pain. I know that life is not fair, and this world is full of unnecessary tragedies, but to be so close to someone who has experienced it makes it seem so much more powerful,” Sam whispered, his hands still paying close attention to the tattoo.

 

“You deserve better than what you'd received in your life, and I hope that you can get something or someone who can try to compensate for all the wrongs in your life.”

 

There was a moment of peaceful silence as they remained close to each other, Sam's hands on his hand, mindlessly tracing lines over and over again. Cas felt peace from it, allowing the ministrations to relax him and ease him into bliss.

 

“We should sleep,” he said, and he felt Sam's hands leave his skin, causing a shiver of discontentment to run down his spine.

 

“Yeah, you're right,” Sam said. “It's one in the morning. I didn't realize it was so late!”

 

Cas chuckled at that, shifting into a lying position, his back still facing Sam. He felt the bed shift and wave beneath him as the Winchester made himself comfortable, and flipped off the lamp that was next to him.

 

Twisting his waist, he turned to see if Sam was facing him, and was a little disappointed to be greeted with a clothed back.

 

“You know,” Sam said after a moment. “I can't help but feel like we wouldn't be here if all those things hadn't happened, y'know? It's a horrible thing to say, but if you hadn't gotten mad at Dean, you may have never broken up.”

 

“What's your point, Sam?”

 

“You may have not gotten the amazing tattoos that you have, which explain who you are as a person. Believe it or not, I think those tattoos speak volumes about you, and in more ways than one. It makes me want to find something that gives me enough purpose to stick with me forever,” Sam said after a few moments.

 

“I'm starting to think I picked the wrong brother,” Cas said, startling the younger, who turned to face him. He was simply met with a smile in the dark and blue eyes shaded by night time. “Good night, Sam.”

 

“Night, Cas.”

 


End file.
